I am completely perplexed at the use of phrases like “results may vary” or “actual results not typical” by businesses and of society’s apparent acceptance of its use. The way I see it, it is the company’s way of promising THE BEST RESULT WE CAN IMAGINE and then saying that it’s not likely to happen, and oh yeah, if and when it doesn’t happen, don’t be surprised or disappointed or sue us because we warned you in very small nearly transparent text hidden somewhere in our ad/webpage.
Any business that uses this ploy should be avoided at all costs, in my opinion. If they can’t share what is typical and don’t believe that those typical results are sufficient enough to gain your business, then the product or service is, well, insufficient.
Can you imagine if that practice was acceptable from the consumer’s/individual’s side of things?
Dear Potential Employer,
I am very eager to meet with you regarding the position I am applying for. In working in this industry for over 20 years, I have gained my employers over two million dollars in new revenue and have single-handedly reduced overhead by three million dollars. Through my development of community outreach programs for my previous employers, I have increased the value of their brand and the goodwill of the community.* In researching your company and the position you have posted, I believe I have all the requisite skills you require as well as a deep and diverse wealth of knowledge I’ll be able to utilize while working at your company. I am very excited about becoming a part of your team and look forward to speaking with you.
Sincerely,
Totally Honest Applicant
*Potential Employer should note that expected work done for you by Totally Honest Applicant might in no way resemble the example listed above. This letter, attached resume, and forthcoming interview will present the potential work Totally Honest Applicant might be capable of; however there is no implicit guarantee that actual work performed will resemble the aforementioned potential. Potential Employer is not to expect the results presented above as actual results are not typical of work performed by Totally Honest Applicant.
Confession time: I have eagerly read some job posting about some mythical six figure salary (hourly wages, of course) I could be making right from the comfort of my own office computer. What can I say? It’s the same reason I play the lottery from time to time. It’s the allure of “Oh my god!!! These people REALLY meant it when they said I’m going to be making an insane amount of money for doing practically nothing!” And unicorns are real too.
I have a feeling that I’ll revisit this topic. Not sure what direction I’ll pursue. I’ll probably tie this in with my thoughts on accountability but that’s a topic for another day.
Cornucopia of Stuff 